When people share the words “Great work”, “I love that you are in my life”; “You look amazing”, “I like your top”, “That colour really suits you” or any other words shared in a moment of graciousness, we often deflect them as quickly as they come towards us. How do I get out of the way, dodge this and move on? Our responses of “It was nothing”, “Me too”, “Yeah, yeah”, “Don’t be silly”, “Oh, this old thing” are common place. Often we aim for the quickest way to avoid it and in the process annihilate the generosity of spirit and positive vibration that was lovingly sent our way.
Our society generally hides as quickly as possible from any sense of public recognition for who we are and for what we have done well. Why? Why is it that the words we are taught so early on, some of the first words we learn to speak as an infant are the words we so quickly shun when they are personally directed toward gratifying us when we become adults. We recoil rather than receive.
We are able to say “thank you” or “thanks” when someone passes us the salt, makes us lunch or offers us a cup of tea. It is used as an informal and somewhat habitual acknowledgement. Yet when sincerely directed towards us in full appreciation or flattery there is quite another story.
The process of rejection and deflection has, as always, a flow on effect. It changes us physically, even if only for a moment. Seeing it in slow motion gives us a new perspective. When we accept the words coming our way we will connect. Our chest puffs out and expands; our cells open; we stand straighter and taller; often we smile, our eyes light up and our face may soften; we feel better and slightly exhilarated. Holding our intention and sincerely saying “thank you”, and maintaining eye contact closes the verbal conversation and the complimentor now receives his or her expansion in return. A bond builds. It has been co-created. All this occurs within seconds. Our vibration shifts and we move forward. For some, this heightened vibration will flow on for the rest of the day. The ripple effect is in motion and gathers a momentum of its own. The ‘receiver’ is more likely to now also become a ‘giver’ and a new energy takes complete form.
When a compliment is deflected, however, the opposite occurs. We quickly avoid eye contact and our head may drop. We may even physically turn our body away as we scramble for the quickest response that comes into our mind. Our cells close; our body contracts; in panic we may go into slight collapse. In the process the complimentor is left trying to work out what to do. A feeling of rejection may occur when they see that what was intended in a loving way was not received. There has been no connection. They are left standing, a little deflated. And then the conversation awkwardly moves on and this closing down may ripple through the day.
Is this exaggerated? No.
Today as you are given a compliment take a moment afterward to observe your own reaction. Replay this in your mind. Watch it, feel it, own it. What happened? As an observer of your own behaviour see if you were able to receive or if you deflected what graciously came your way. Did you make your vibration bigger or close down? What ripple effect did it have moments later? How did you feel? Today as you sincerely give a compliment take a moment afterward to observe the behaviour. Was it accepted, what response happened, what reaction then occurred for you? How did you feel through the different stages of the compliment? How did you feel after and what effect did it have on your day? Because when you break it down you will see that this small and powerful interaction has a very definite beginning, middle and end.
The choice exists each and every day to change your vibration. This small interaction has powerful consequences. Make the choice to deliberately and sincerely receive compliments. Make the choice to simply say “thank you” in return. And in doing so make the choice to make our world slightly bigger in many moments throughout your day.
Any takers out there? Let’s give it a go and lift the consciousness of us all on this magnificent planet.
